Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
