Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
