Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
