The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
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My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
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I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize