I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
