I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
