I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
