if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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