My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
