Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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