there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
