she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
