Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
