I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
