Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
