I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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