When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
