Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
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His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
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we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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