I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
