I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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