You're so nebulous sometimes
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
