The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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