I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
