After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
