Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
