I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
