She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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