haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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