DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
