She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
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