I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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