My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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