I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
