Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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