I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
