I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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