BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
