the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
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I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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