Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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