If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
