So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
