You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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