i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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