I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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