Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
