Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
