I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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