I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
