I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
