when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
