wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
whose ass print is on the piano?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
