Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
