sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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