I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
