his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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