theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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