That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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