I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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