call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
