We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
