she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
