Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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